Thursday, January 3, 2008

i might be winning (and losing)

It is now January 3rd and I have so far consumed seven pieces of bacon. Now, I am no good at math, but I am pretty sure that puts me on pace to eat 4,000,007 pieces of bacon this year.

On New Year's Day, I had this conversation with a waitress.

Me: I'll have the Waterstreet omelet with bacon. (note: your choices are bacon or ham)
Waitress: OK.
Me: How many pieces of bacon do they put in that omelet?
Waitress: A lot.
Me: Well, I kind of need to know. It's important.
Waitress: Four.
Me: Excellent.

Today, I went down to the deli in my office building for some breakfast. I ordered something that I think is called the Bonjour sandwich. I felt like a douche placing that order. Anyway, it's got ham, egg and Swiss cheese, only I got it with bacon instead of ham. Looking back, I should have manned up and got bacon in addition to ham. But anyway.

After about an hour, I was telling Bill about how it is a great sandwich (oh, it's on a croissant which is why it's called the Bonjour... it's all French and shit). About twenty minutes after that, I wanted to vomit. This deli, Al's Deli, has been known to make me ganked in the past. (Ganked is a word my friend made up. It's when you are on the toilet and you don't know if you need to vomit or take a shit. It often accompanies a hangover.) Yet, because it is the only eating establishment in my building, I sometimes go there. It's cold outside and I don't want to walk across the street. And they have bacon.

Anyway, the sandwich made me ganked today. However, I realized I could not vomit, because that would put my bacon total back down to four. I couldn't take that chance.

I doubt I will finish this challenge. I have a not so great heart and eating this much bacon is dumb. But it is really good. I once blogged about how much I love the smell of bacon. It was soon after that where I found out about my bad ticker. I guess I could blame bacon. But I'd rather blame genetics. I will blame the grandfather I never met. I can't stay mad at bacon.


As I was adding some HTML all up in this shit, I went to add the target=blank code, which makes links that you click on pop up in a new window. I accidentally first typed in target=bacon.


Unknown said...

Bad ticker, huh?

You might as well butter your bacon with lard.

My mom used to make this awesome pea soup. She would use half a pound of lard. Floating in the glorious pond of peaness (wait, thats sounds gay) were big ass smoked pig's ankles. The next day I woud reach in the fridge for some tastey left over pea soup and notice the inch thick of white lard on top. No worries though, just throw it in the microwave and eveything is good again.

Maybe next year we should try pea soup and pigs ankles? Actually, maybe next year we should excercise, get in shape for the following years challenge. I think every other year should treat our bodies good.


ismateo said...

how do you pronounce ganked? is it gankED, with emphasis on the ed? because if it's just ganked, like thanked, then that's already a word. meaning stolen. as in, i ganked that bacon from the market because goddamnit i was hungry.