It is now January 3rd and I have so far consumed seven pieces of bacon. Now, I am no good at math, but I am pretty sure that puts me on pace to eat 4,000,007 pieces of bacon this year.
On New Year's Day, I had this conversation with a waitress.
Me: I'll have the
Waterstreet omelet with bacon.
(note: your choices are bacon or ham)Waitress: OK.
Me: How many pieces of bacon do they put in that omelet?
Waitress: A lot.
Me: Well, I kind of need to know. It's important.
Waitress: Four.
Me: Excellent.
Today, I went down to the deli in my office building for some breakfast. I ordered something that I think is called the Bonjour sandwich. I felt like a douche placing that order. Anyway, it's got ham, egg and Swiss cheese, only I got it with bacon instead of ham. Looking back, I should have manned up and got bacon
in addition to ham. But anyway.
After about an hour, I was telling Bill about how it is a great sandwich (oh, it's on a croissant which is why it's called the Bonjour... it's all French and shit). About twenty minutes after that, I wanted to vomit. This deli, Al's Deli, has been known to make me ganked in the past. (Ganked is a word my friend made up. It's when you are on the toilet and you don't know if you need to vomit or take a shit. It often accompanies a hangover.) Yet, because it is the only eating establishment in my building, I sometimes go there. It's cold outside and I don't want to walk across the street. And they have bacon.
Anyway, the sandwich made me ganked today. However, I realized I could not vomit, because that would put my bacon total back down to four. I couldn't take that chance.
I doubt I will finish this challenge. I have a not so great heart and eating this much bacon is dumb. But it is really good. I once
blogged about how much I love the smell of bacon. It was soon after that where I found out about my bad ticker. I guess I could blame bacon. But I'd rather blame genetics. I will blame the grandfather I never met. I can't stay mad at bacon.
Epilogue
As I was adding some HTML all up in this shit, I went to add the
target=blank code, which makes links that you click on pop up in a new window. I accidentally first typed in
target=bacon.